Line - Areas of Crime

1) Question:

2) Answer:

PARAPHRASE:

• 1. Question: 

     • ‘The chart below shows the changes in three different areas of crime in Manchester city centre from 2003-2012.’

  2. Paraphrased: 

     • ‘The line graph displays alterations for burglary, car theft and robbery in the centre of Manchester between 2003 and 2012.’

OVERVIEW:

• 1. Three general things about the graph above, they would be:

     • Burglary decreases dramatically.

     • Car theft increases steadily.

     • Robbery remains steady throughout the period.

  2. Our overview paragraph will look like this:

     • The most noticeable trend is that burglary fell dramatically over the period. Car theft fluctuated until 2008, upon which it rose steadily; whereas the number of robberies remained relatively stable between 2003 and 2012.

DETAIL:

• 1. Three main features in the overview and now we must take each of those features and describe them in more detail:

     • If we take robbery first we notice that it goes up a little first, then there is a big drop until 2008 when it goes up slightly and then remains steady.

     • Car theft goes up and down slightly (fluctuates) until 2008, when it rises steadily.

     • Robbery also fluctuates throughout the period but not by much. It rises slightly and drops, then remains steady  for a number of years, before rising and falling slightly again.

  2. Looked at these in more detail we need to put them into sentences:

     • Burglaries started at just below three and a half thousand in 2003 and apart from a small rise of around five hundred offences in 2004, fell drastically to just over one thousand incidents in 2008. 2009 saw a slight rise to just below fifteen hundred and it remained in and around this figure until the end of the time period. 

     • From 2003 to 2008 the number of car thefts shifted between just below two thousand five hundred and just over two thousand, before rising steadily to nearly three thousand in 2013. Over the entire period robbery never rose above one thousand and did not go under five hundred.  

CHECK YOUR WORK:

• 1. The first draft of our essay looks like this:

     • The line graph displays alterations for burglary, car theft and robbery in the centre of Manchester between 2003 and 2012.

     • The most noticeable trend is that burglary fell dramatically over the period. Car theft fluctuated until 2008, upon which it rose steadily; whereas the number of car thefts remained relatively stable between 2003 and 2012.

     • Burglary started at just below three and a half thousand in 2003 and apart from a small rise of around five hundred offences in 2004, fell drastically to just over one thousand incidents in 2008. 2009 saw a slight rise to just below fifteen hundred in 2009 and it remained in and around this figure until the end of the time period. 

     • From 2003 to 2008 the number of car thefts shifted between just below two thousand five hundred and just over two thousand, before rising steadily to nearly three thousand in 2013. Over the entire period robbery never rose above one thousand and did not go under five hundred.

  2. Have at least 3-4 minutes at the end to check and improve everything:

     • Check spelling and punctuation

     • Check verb tenses. Are they the correct tense?

     • Check accuracy of the data used.

     • Check vocabulary. Is there any repetition we could remove with synonyms?

     • Check paragraphing.

     • Check word limit. Over 150?

References:

• https://www.ieltsadvantage.com/2015/07/11/ielts-academic-writing-task-1/